“Onward, Ever Onward”

Day 144

Fifteen years ago today my brother Josh entered the MTC, the starting point of his LDS mission, where he would serve the Lord for two years in and around Los Angeles, California. So much time has passed since then, and yet I still remember the day, the experience like it was yesterday. Some things just remain vivid and clear, no matter the passage of time. What also helps to keep memories like this fresh and alive is having pictures and words to review. Here are some excerpts from my journal entry for this special day [Volume 15: September 22nd 1995 - March 3rd 1996]:

Wednesday October 25th 1995,

11:07 pm - This is one of those times when I have a difficult time writing in here, due to severe emotional overload. I am trying very hard to swallow back the tears, to keep a brave face, for at this moment I am sharing my room with Jordan. He has cried a great deal today, so I don’t want to provoke him…

…I had no idea I would affected this way, just by sending my brother off to the safe threshold of the MTC. This was supposed to be pleasant and exciting, not depressing and frustrating. Never underestimate temporary goodbyes, for they can be just as painful, if not more so, than the real thing. Leaving Josh at the MTC and returning to Greeley without him makes me feel like I’ve just come from a funeral. I understand how ridiculous this is, not mention selfish, but I can’t help it. I miss Josh so much…

…This morning I wasn’t anywhere near tears. I was just nervous. Josh seemed to be calm, just a little anxious, while the rest of us worked up into a frenzy. By 9:30 we were dressed and ready to head for Provo. The drive to Provo was so peaceful, and since we were all in Sunday clothes it felt like a Sunday. After a successful shopping trip, we drove out to the MTC, just to get an idea where it was. In the 8 years we lived just minutes away from there I had never seen it before. So when we drove by it I was really overwhelmed. Overwhelmed, but very impressed…

…After figuring out where the MTC was, we tried to agree on a place to eat. We decided that since this was Josh’s last meal with us he should be the one to decide. Josh wanted to eat somewhere he had never eaten before, so he picked a pizza/pasta restaurant called The Brick Oven…

…The service was superb. Our waiter, who must have been an RM, immediately knew we were bound for the MTC, or as he put it “prison”, and made us feel comfortable and a little more relaxed about what we were embarking on. The food was absolutely delicious! Just what we needed to settle our queasy stomachs. While we were there we saw a few more families with their missionaries, which was great to see…

…We drove back to the MTC, only to be surprise by the huge traffic. There were several men directing the traffic and the first man we came across was very kind. He talked a bit with Dad and Mom and Josh, and by this point Mom must have been in tears. The man tossed Mom something which made her laugh. What every mother needs at this time: a package of Kleenex…

…At the front of the building we were directed to bring out Josh’s luggage, while Dad went and parked the car. All of us looked at our surroundings, in an attempt to keep our thoughts away from the inevitable. As we entered the front doors we were already separated. Josh went in another door while the remainder of us were stuck with his luggage…

…Josh came in wearing an orange sticker on the collar of his shirt. He’d been “tagged” in order to be distinguished from the civilians; then Josh was pulled aside again. The rest of us were directed into a large room, where all of the families were assembled…

…Then the presentation began; an opening prayer, a stirring hymn “Called To Serve”, a short film, and a run down of what the missionaries would be doing in the next few days. Then it was time for the big separation. I had heard about this beforehand, about how the missionaries went to one door and everyone else went another way. And when this moment came I found myself choked up…

…Mom was already in tears, Jordan was bawling and what really surprised me was to see Dad teary-eyed. It was very touching to me, making me want to burst into tears. As I hugged Josh he whispered to me that I could be a part of this, or something along that line. Josh made his way to each family member, then took his place in line with the other missionaries as they marched out a door…

…I surveyed all of the people, most of whom were drying their tears and trying to make sense of it all. We proceeded out another door and assembled together outside the MTC, making the big step to leave Josh behind. He’s in the hands of the people stationed at the MTC, and more importantly he’s in the hands of the Lord. We know he is safe, we know he will be watched. It is a comfort. Josh is on his way, onward to perform a marvelous task…